I’m a business owner, and I have no idea what I’m doing.
I’m a business owner and I started out not knowing what I was doing.
I’m a business owner and I’m overwhelmed by not knowing if what I’m doing is the right thing or not.
I started my business in 2019. Well, informally, I started dabbling as a side hustle in 2017 but I took it full time as my sole money making proposition in 2019. And I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
I think the number one thing that makes starting a business so difficult, especially a business that is skilled service based, as is mine as a film maker, is that in the meantime of trying to convince others that I’m a professional, I’m simultaneously still trying to convince myself that I’m a professional every. single. day. Because regardless of the results I produce, I don’t feel like a professional.
For example these are my personal incomes that I have made after taxes, expenses, everything. This is what I’ve taken out of my business over the past 4 years
2019: ~$5000
2020: ~$23,000
2021: ~$40,000
2022 YTD (beginning of July): ~$42,000 (Projecting $105,000)
So, what’s my point? My point is that I’m increasing my income, year over year, by hundreds of percent! 2X, 3X, 4X or more; THAT’S A LOT! I’m on track this year to be up 250% from last year. The numbers would indicate that the market is responding to what I’m offering. The market is telling me that I’m trusted as a professional in the industry and the market is willing to pay my going prices.
The objective, substantiated, logic based evidence, the numbers, are telling me that I’m a professional and yet I certainly don’t feel like it.
So why, if the market is telling me that they respect me as a professional don’t I feel like one? Well, for starters, the social media game is toxic. We live in this world where we get to compare ourselves, our work, our progress, and our success with, literally, millions of other people on the internet with absolutely no other context for their life or journey as to how they got there.
Stop doing this. It’s killing me and it’s killing you and there’s nothing good that comes from it.
But what about on a deeper level? Why does this imposter syndrome root itself so deep and get us to doubt ourselves even when we have a mountain of evidence that suggests that we do truly know what we are doing?
Frankly, that’s a discussion on a different day. But as for this article, let’s suffice it to say that imposter syndrome is real and we need to work hard to keep that thing at bay. It’s a thief and will absolutely rob you of the joy that exists and is only found in the process of grinding our way to success.
So where does that leave us? Well, I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing becasue this is so hard, so exposing, so draining. Why is being a business founder and owner so terrifying, so hard, so exposing and vulnerable?
Because it is!
There’s things in life that we just sum it up and understand that it’s going to be hard. Nobody runs a marathon and says, “Damn why is this so hard.” Nobody has ever gotten to the top of Annapurna and thought, “Well I didn’t see that coming. This mountain has over a 30% fatality rate why was it so difficult to get here?” Nobody climbs El Capitan and wonders why it took so much effort to get there (Can you tell me that I’m an outdoor/adventure sports athlete?). In fact, many of us, myself included, are drawn to do things like this because they’re hard. That’s literally the main reason we want to give them a try.
There’s things that we accept are just difficult by nature because that’s how they are but for some reason, we often don’t approach business with that same type of respect for the fact that it’s really really hard. Annapurna’s fatality rate is over 30%. That means that you have higher than a 30% chance of dying if you attempt it. 3 out of every 10 climbers who attempt it die! Those aren’t odds I’m willing to play with. And at the same time, over a 5 year timeline, 45% of small businesses die.
You have a 50% higher fatality rate in starting a business that you do climbing the deadliest mountain in the world. Ok, I know that’s not how that stat converts but you get the point. The success rate is low but we often times get into the thick of this thing called entrepreneurship and when we start getting overwhelmed we start to wonder why it’s so hard.
Because it is!!!
So, this may or may not be incredibly insightful. I don’t know (insert shrug emoji here), but it’s been insightful for me as I’m sitting here staring a beast in the face trying to come up with some creative solutions for my business in the worst economy that I’ve ever had to brave in my short 29 year life. In fact, this is the first recession that people my age have ever had to navigate as adults where we are actually financially responsible for ourselves.
There’s comfort in realizing it’s hard because it’s supposed to be. There’s comfort because I know that I’m not doing something wrong because it’s difficult. There’s comfort because if it’s hard I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be because that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.
This founding and running a business thing is hard and I don’t know what I’m doing.
It’s hard, I don’t know what I’m doing, and that terrifies me.
I’m a business owner and that terrifies me; and that’s ok.
